Death and Rebirth

It has been far too long since my last posting, but that could not be helped. While making what any reasonable human would call a legal left turn on red, I was pulled over by the "5-0". It did not go well. At first the officer that stopped me seemed to almost have sense God gave a goji berry, but as he tried to explain to me why he would NOT make an exception for me with regards to city policy on open containers, loaded weapons and minors, I realized that my initial assessment was far to generous. So I decided to take action. "Step out of the veehickle (sic) sir" the constable told me, and proceeded to run me a roadside sobriety test, the breathalyzer test having been not so much inconclusive as incredulous. As I stood there touching the spot I would have sworn my nose was, with my right arm cocked and ready to fire, I let fly with  near lethal Bruce Lee style chop to neck of the storm trooper. WHAHCHAAHH! But the bastard was faster than me. So fast in fact that most people would have said that he didn't even move. At all. So my strike flew ineffectually past his left ear, and the shear force of the blow pulled off of my axis. As I struggled to recover my footing, the cop tried to take control, and pushed me towards the back of his patrol car, but I had other plans. Using physics to my advantage I was able to fall into the driver's seat of the cruiser and speed off in to the night leaving Roscoe kicking dirt by the side of the road. 

Lights flashing, sirens wailing, I careened in to the dark. Full of triumph and chemicals I congratulated myself for once again pulling my dick from the flames, when from the passenger side of the car came a cold metallic click click sound followed by a cold metallic feeling pressing insistently against the side of my head. Craning my eyes as far to right as they would go with out actually moving my head I spied the 12 to the 1 ADAM I had left behind in the dust. The face looking back at me, over the barrel of a gun that would make Dirty Harry feel inadequate, was at least as surprised as I would have been had that emotion, and most others, been artificially suppressed.  

Thus was my long absence begun. It was long, and it was painful, and I will speak little of my time away other than say that self delusion and the ability to completely suppress memories are grossly under valued skills. 

But, now I am returned.

The jails could not contain me. The walls of my prison were not high enough that I could not or' top them. You would be amazed what you can do inside the American penal system with a carton of cigarettes and a pretty smile. 

Till next time,

If you need me, maybe you can find

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