The Day After

        Ok, the dust is settling, though some still look forward to some kind of re-count, if only for tradition’s sake, and we have a new president, and he’s not white! This is nothing short of... well, you know. Everyone’s already said it, so I’ll assume you know (it rhymes with mistoric). But America’s shiny new black president is not the only news, oh my no. Voters in California have once again voted to deny gay couples the right to get married, but this time they went ahead and made it official with a constitutional amendment. I say there is more yet to be done in the cause of protecting marriage. We can’t let the gays settle down. That would mean we would have to change our image of homosexuals as drug addled, Satan worshipping sex addicts with the power to turn straight people gay just by looking at them! If they start getting married it will be that much harder to justify being so afraid of them. We can’t let that happen. Don’t you know that every time a gay couple gets married and angel gets sodomized. It’s in the Bible, look it up.
        I know that many heterosexuals who only got married to prove that weren’t gay, if gays can get married then no one will believe that they’re straight. What would be the point? Besides, I don’t want to do any thing that homosexuals do, they always look so much doing it, why do you think I don’t wear Abicromby & Fitch? But that’s not the point, the point is that gays are amoral heathens, and that’s how we like them, and the very concept of matrimony is not strong enough to handle that kind of people. I am especially grateful for this outcome for personal reasons. When California fist defined marriage as a union between and a woman, my wife and I could not keep our hands off of each other, we went at it like we’d just been released from prison, so glad were we to have that issue finally sorted out for us. When the State Supreme Court overturned the new definition, we began to drift apart, no longer able to understand why we got married. I mean, sure, we are madly in love and want to share the rest of our lives with only each other, but that’s why the gays want to get married! Ewww! After last nights vote I feel my fragile manhood becoming turgid with vitality. I think we might have some lovin’ in the near future. Fingers crossed!
        I would like say something else here about California. People don’t always understand California. Most folk outside the Eureka state think of its residents as gang banging minorities and syphilitic hippies all living off of the government or Zionist movie studio executive polluting the minds of right thinking, christian Americans, but they’re more than just that, they are innovators. No other state in the union continues to find such new and exciting solutions for discriminating against people who are not the same. California has had laws prohibiting the marriage of whites to minorities, and let’s not forget the internment camps, but they did not just rest on their laurels. No, they found a new way to keep people from thinking they are human beings. It should be no surprise that to find new ways to hate people that are different, America looks to the West. Congratulations California, you have done more than your part to make sure that gay people remain single and unattached. Way to go.
        And congratulations America, hopefully our new Executive will lead us to a better future where everyone will feel that they can make a difference in their lives and the live of others, and will actually make the sacrifices needed to bring about change. I wish the best of luck to the President Elect, and if he ever needs some ideas, California is waiting by the phone.

TIll next time, keep your hands above the covers.

Dr. X

Election Day, 2008

        Well, here we are at the dawn of a new political era. By the end of tonight America will have a new president. Record turn out at the polls almost guarantees it (term limits have nothing to do with George W. Bush leaving office, believe me). People looking to two men to lead us out of this “New Depression”, out of Gulf War II, and in to the good life of the American dream. Who will be our next leader? I for one do not believe that our nation will be helmed by a Viet Nam P.O.W., or a black elitist, not for long any way. I see the oval office occupied by either this country’s first P.I.L.F. or some one who honestly thinks we could do better, and will tell you so himself. Why do I envision a second string leadership? Simply because neither of the presidential candidates have a high survivability ratings. McCain is old, much much older than his years it would seem, and has been in plane crashes and prison camps and Arizona. None of those things tend to lengthen life. Obama, well that’s an other issue. At first glance he seems to be a healthy, vital man, but I doubt that he’s is bullet proof. America is, like it or not, for better or worse is a white country, and there are plenty of white Americans who will not truck with a black man holding the highest office in the land. Some people will say that America has come a long way since the days of separate water fountains and midnight lynchings, and I would agree, but I don’t think it has been a straight line that we have traveled. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I wish Senator Obama ill or that I don’t have faith in our people, quite the contrary, we are a can do nation, and if someone wants to become president they can do it, and if someone wants to kill them, they can do that too. I have no illusions that we as a people have evolved in to a high minded, egalitarian democracy, it is not a sense of civic duty that is bringing out voters in droves. No, it's the worst kind of fear and loathing, and no two words could be found to describe it, I only wish the good Doctor could be hear to see this, the grandest demonstration of his ideas that could be imagined. Fear of a country turning in to a great big housing project complete with whores and crack dealers and crack dealing whores. Loathing of the idea of another four years of leadership that refuses to be held accountable for the way it has ignored human needs and rights.
The name of our country, the United States of America, refers to one government that has been alive and in practice for over two hundred years without interruption, this is rare in our world, hell the French are on there fifth republic since the revolution, and there are people from both sides of this that will tell you that it will be the end of our country if the other side wins. I say, bring it on. Out with the old (that is not a reference to John McCain’s age) and in with new. Bring on the post apocalyptic hordes. That would get people out of their seats. Never has a leader galvanized a people so completely as when Mad Max said “Two days ago I saw a rig that could haul that tanker. If you want to get out of here, talk to me”. You want to see a problem with dependancy on foreign oil? Just wait till you have to beg Humungo, ruler of the Waste Land for enough gas to get the kids to school, then you’ll see how good we’ve got it now.

Whatever the outcome, try not to piss yourself.

Dr. X

Death and Rebirth

It has been far too long since my last posting, but that could not be helped. While making what any reasonable human would call a legal left turn on red, I was pulled over by the "5-0". It did not go well. At first the officer that stopped me seemed to almost have sense God gave a goji berry, but as he tried to explain to me why he would NOT make an exception for me with regards to city policy on open containers, loaded weapons and minors, I realized that my initial assessment was far to generous. So I decided to take action. "Step out of the veehickle (sic) sir" the constable told me, and proceeded to run me a roadside sobriety test, the breathalyzer test having been not so much inconclusive as incredulous. As I stood there touching the spot I would have sworn my nose was, with my right arm cocked and ready to fire, I let fly with  near lethal Bruce Lee style chop to neck of the storm trooper. WHAHCHAAHH! But the bastard was faster than me. So fast in fact that most people would have said that he didn't even move. At all. So my strike flew ineffectually past his left ear, and the shear force of the blow pulled off of my axis. As I struggled to recover my footing, the cop tried to take control, and pushed me towards the back of his patrol car, but I had other plans. Using physics to my advantage I was able to fall into the driver's seat of the cruiser and speed off in to the night leaving Roscoe kicking dirt by the side of the road. 

Lights flashing, sirens wailing, I careened in to the dark. Full of triumph and chemicals I congratulated myself for once again pulling my dick from the flames, when from the passenger side of the car came a cold metallic click click sound followed by a cold metallic feeling pressing insistently against the side of my head. Craning my eyes as far to right as they would go with out actually moving my head I spied the 12 to the 1 ADAM I had left behind in the dust. The face looking back at me, over the barrel of a gun that would make Dirty Harry feel inadequate, was at least as surprised as I would have been had that emotion, and most others, been artificially suppressed.  

Thus was my long absence begun. It was long, and it was painful, and I will speak little of my time away other than say that self delusion and the ability to completely suppress memories are grossly under valued skills. 

But, now I am returned.

The jails could not contain me. The walls of my prison were not high enough that I could not or' top them. You would be amazed what you can do inside the American penal system with a carton of cigarettes and a pretty smile. 

Till next time,

If you need me, maybe you can find

X